Already Home
by piper maru duchovny
Summary: Without Scully, there's no life for Mulder. -set during IWTB.


**Oh, you guys, I've missed the fandom so darn much! I had a love affair with SVU and CSI:NY and that made my Muse runaway to Bermuda to have siestas with a smokin' cabana boy. Anyways, it's back now and I've got it cuffed and stuffed back in it's cage. So, hopefully that means I'm back!**

**Dedicated to Rachel and our nexus that is too epic for words. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

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**_All that I'm after is a life full of laughter,  
As long as I'm laughing with you,  
I'm thinking that all that still matters is love ever after,  
After the life we've been through,  
Cause I know there's no life after you.  
_**-Daughtry;**

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**Puffs of air exited between his lips and created a fog that blurred his vision as his sneakers pounded against the muddy earth beneath his feet. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. He rounded another corner of their property and his lungs felt like they were on fire. Left foot, right foot, kick a stick out of the road, left foot, right foot. Sweat caused his dark brown hair to droop and his shirt to cling to his back as he picked up speed.

Haunting thoughts clung to his mind like briars on his socks as he sprinted along the property line. His knees ached and every muscle felt like they had been ignited with the most intense fire and yet his mind refused to kick into neutral.

Running had always been the activity he turned to when he needed to forget the world existed. As his feet would pound against whatever convenient surface, his mind would go blank and he could finally find peace. Circling the property like a tiger circled it's enclosure his mind raced and refused to turn off no matter how hard he pushed himself. It was driving the already insane man mad.

There was no life without Scully by his side and that fact made his hands shake, his knees go weak, and his heart to break. He knew the words she had spoken in that hospital corridor were not a threat but a promise, Dana Scully didn't make threats she hadn't already intended to follow through on. Guilt pounded him from every single angle and, even though every muscle in his body protested, he began to run even faster.

_Special Agents Mulder and Scully. Mulder and Scully. Fugitives Mulder and Scully. Crazy Mountain Man Mulder and Dr. Scully. Just Mulder._ His life didn't make sense if he didn't have her by his side. Stopping at the end of their driveway he looked at the Mailbox where Scully had scrawled 'Scully' on the gray metal in black paint. His fingers traced over the rough material as he gasped for air before he turned and sprinted up the driveway to the house. _Just Mulder wouldn't cut it. _

_Mulder needed Scully. _

Clothing was shed as he raced up the stairs to the bathroom, turning the hot faucet all the way on. He climbed into the tub, beneath the scorching hot water. He was surrounded by her; inundated with her smell, the little touches she had added to make the safe house home, every memory that hung in the dark crevices in his brain were littered with fiery red hair and sea blue eyes. Her words hung in the air, the sight of her tear filled eyes painted the back of his eyelids, and memories were like ghosts on every surface.

All he had needed to do was change a few choices along the way; choose her a little more, the x-files a little less. As he whipped a comb through his still dripping hair and pulled clothes onto his damp body, he could see her sitting on the counter while he shaved and laughing when he nicked himself because he'd been too busy staring at her. There were times when she had begged him to emerge from his bunker, times when all she wanted was to pick his brain for a few moments, moments where he had begged off and pushed her away. He had misread his own life – the x-files were not his life, Scully was.

Keys in hand, he made his way out to his car and was behind the wheel before he could blink. The ramifications of what he was about to do could either go in his favor or blow up in his face. He could fix everything with two simple words or loose everything he had ever wanted in one fell swoop. As the countryside of Virginia passed him by in a blur, his mind raced over everything they had been through in the past sixteen years.

Tires came to rest on a gravel driveway that lead to a small cottage tucked into an alcove of trees. Childrens toys littered the lawn as he navigated his way to the front door, the side of his arm pounding against the plexiglass of the storm door. Lights flicked on and the shadow of John Jay Doggett appeared on the other side of the door, "What do you want, Mulder?"

"I know she's here, John." The porch light flickered on as John stepped out onto the porch beside him.

Arms crossed over his chest, his former colleague glared at him menacingly, "She don't want to see you."

"John, let me talk to her. Please." He ran his hand through his hair as he paced, he was a man with nothing left to loose, "Just ask her if she'll talk to me. If she says no, I'll go."

"I'll talk to him." Mulder let his eyes drift over his life; hair damp and eyes blood shot standing barefoot on the porch in pajamas with her Godson on her hip, "It's okay, John."

He nodded once and took the toddler from Scully before disappearing into the house. They stood in an uncomfortable silence with the buzzing of the mosquitoes and chirping of the cicadas acting as white noise. She brushed a long strawberry lock behind her ear and he tapped his foot against the timber beneath them. Silence as deafening as a sonic boom, he finally spoke, "I'm sorry."

"How can you be sorry," She sniffled and he had never seen her look smaller, "I don't even know what I'm angry at you for."

He sighed and looked down at his feet, "Scully, I've blown it a lot and I have got to start making up for it"

"What if we can't be fixed, Mulder? How can we fix it if we don't know why it's broken in the first place?"

"Because I know." He stepped forward, taking both her hands in his, "I know, Scully. The choosing the cases over you, being so insanely devoted to chasing pipe dreams, going after the monsters in the dark, it's gotta stop."

"Mulder, I can't ask you to give up the-"

"You're not asking, Scully, I'm volunteering." He pulled her closer, hands clutched to his chest, "None of it matters without you, Scully. Finding the answers, protecting the truth, none of it is worth it without you."

"Mulder," She whispered and tried to pull away, tears slipping like rain down her cheeks, "please, just don't."

"I don't have anything left to loose, Scully," Tears clouding his vision, "cause the only thing that matters to me is right here with her hands in mine."

There it was, the blatant truth with no veils, lies, or secrets. Her heart raced in her chest as the tears fell down, forcing her eyes up she saw the love that lay in his, "Mulder..."

"You're my life, Scully. Whatever other life is out there, whatever life has been before us, and whatever life comes after this one, there is no life without you in it." He whispered, his forehead resting against hers and their tears mixing together, "Come home."

She stood on her tiptoes; drawing his lower lip between both of hers and pouring every bit of anger, sadness and love into that one kiss as her arms encircled his neck and his hands found her waist. They stood on the old wooden porch kissing until they couldn't kiss any longer. His arms secured around her waist and her head in the crook of his shoulder, "This. Right here, I'm already home."


End file.
